ROAD TRIP!
by gunslinger21
Summary: its stves birthday at avengers tower, and pepper wants to make it a big deal. one shot. contains cussing. possibly makes fun of a few characters and exaggerates qualitys they have. hope you enjoy! please review!


bruce rubbed wearily underneath his eyes. pushing his glasses onto his forehead and stifling another yawn.

"brucey! woohoo! look at this!" tony, who apparently didnt need sleep bounded up beside the tired doctor. he gleefully waved the notes in front of his face.

"how much coffee did you drink this morning?" bruce muttered, as he snatched the stack of notes from tonys hand.

"am i supposed to..." bruce started pushing his glasses back down onto his nose as he tried to make sense of tonys scribbles. "understand all this?" he handed the sheaf back to tony, who was about to reply when pepper strode into the room hands on her hips.

"oh no..." tony muttered lowly to his science buddy. "looks like shes ready to interrupt my me time. it must be bad."

"tony edward stark!" the iron man visibly cringed upon hearing his middle name.

"babe, you can just call me tony. i thought wed already been introduced..."

"you two," she continued undettered by his commnt. "have been in this room for the last three days." tony nodded considering while looking up and to the left.

"yeah... i spose thats about right. you keep track of time really well pep." he smirked she glowered.

"out now." she pointed out the door. sighing and rolling his eyes tony nudged bruce and the two headed out of the lab. "also..." pepper started in a different tone running a hand through her red hair. "its steves bithday... today, and i need everyone out of the tower... so i can have my decorating team help me get this place party ready. i want it to be a big deal." tony rolled his eyes again sighing exasperatedly.

"im sure the old man doesnt even want to celebrate his birthday whats another year when youre already so OLD?" bruce fidgeted nervously as tony and pepper spoke. anxiously looking for a way out of this tight, uncomfortable situation hed been involuntarily whisked into.

"if you can head out. i bought tickets for a movie for everyone. theres a couple extra so invite guests. tell steve im busy but i wish him all the best. and happy birhday." tony groaned.

"pep? really? cant you just give him the tickets and ill choreograph the decoraters?"

"nope. youll end up back in the lab in two seconds."

"actually itd be seven point three nine. to be exact." tony smirked widely. pepper pulled out the tickets.

"thankyou so much. i really appreciate it." she gave him a quick kiss and then walked down off the hall before he could protest.

"you wanna watch a movie brucey?"

...

little had tony known when he hadnt exactly agreed to this whole charade that the theater was over an hour away. over. an. hour. away. in the car. with. all. these. people.

"midgardian hush!" thor boomed at clint who had just finished cracking some joke that only he was laughing at. and they hadnt even started driving yet. tony rubbed wearily at his forehead as the last passenger slid into the car. it was an SUV. he hadnt even known theyd had one of these. but it worked out pretty well now. bruce had shotgun up front beside yours truly. thor, loki, and clint were all i the very back row. clint was complaining about being stuck in the middle seat between two equally but polarly obnoxious brothers. natasha and steve were seated in the middle row with an empty seat between them. sighing tony twisted around in his seat to smile at all his passengers.

"everybody ready? okay steve first this was not my idea, it was peppers, second SHE says happy birthday. third theirs more people coming so i hope you guys are feeling all that family love and closeness cuz its about to get tight." their were collective grumblings at the third point.

"it. was. peps. idea." tony reiterated loudly. the grumbling stopped and he took off down the road.

...

loki turned to clint.

"come here often?" his classic grin lit upon his face. his eyes glittered with mischievious delight. clint groaned.

"why? STARK? WHYD YOU PUT ME BETWEEN THEM?!" he leaned forward in his seat. natasha rolled her eyes.

"shut up barton. get over it."

" i must agree with the maiden." thor boomed. clint fixed his best glare on the asgardian. thor wasnt deterred.

"metal man i do believe arrow man needs to .. use the facilities..." clint threw his hands into the air.

"I DONT NEED TO SHIT! IM GLARING AT YOU!"

"i guess your glares broken barton." natasha smirked and tried not to entirely bust out laughing. tony elbowed bruce, who just rolled his eyes. steve pretended to be engrssed in the view outside his window as even he concealed a smirk.

"shhh!" tony hissed as he stared hard out the window trying to recognize the two figures they were approaching. ""what luck." he muttered devillishly. he slowed down and pulled onto the shoulder beside them and rolled down his window.

"would you look what the cat swallowed regurgitated ate, and regurgitated again only to drag it in for us. gypsy! fra-aaaank!" he sang out gleefully. the two punishers kept walking trying to ignore him. "cmon guys..." he pleaded. gypsy flipped him the bird but didnt slow down. steve leaned out his own window.

"hey gypsy!" she turned around.

"steve!" she smiled at him. tony rolled his eyes

"why do i even TRY?" he muttered under his breath. then louder: "its caps birthday gyps!"

"is it really?" she asked curiously. captain nodded. the two punishers walked back to the car and gypsy leaned against steves wndow.

"happy birthday! its so good to see you! all of you..." her gaze flicked around the car happily, taking in everyone but the driver.

"hey! were going to the movies you guys wanna come with?" clint asked.

"i really dont think theres enough room..." gypsy faltered hesitating.

"well make room. we insist."

...

gypsy squeezed in the back row between loki and clint. frank sat in the second row beside steve who was situated in the middle. frank grumbled something about wondering how hed ever been talked into this.

"its okay babe. its a short trip im sure." gypsy offered a warm smile that frank missed.

"um actually..." bruce started darting a glance at tony. "we have about an hour left."

"an HOUR?"

"yep." tony and bruce affirmed in unison. gypsy threw her head back.

"ogb... howd i get us into this?" loki patted her shoulder fake comfortingly.

"its okay babe. its a long trip im sure." he smirked. gypsy rolled her eyes and made a face at her friend.

"so why exactly did you not bring a bigger vehicle stark?" frank asked.

"interesting question that." tony raised his pointer finger but then dropped his hand back onto the wheel. "...honestly i dont know." he pressed his lips nto a tight line.

"oooh! oklahoma license plate bingo PUNCH!" gypsy punched clint in the shoulder.

"ooooww..." he muttered rubbing his arm.

"i dont think thats how you play that game... gypsy." bruce smirked from shotgun. gypsy laughed at the shared joke.

"VERMONT LICENSE PLATE BINGO _PUNCH!_" thor boomed as he swung his fist at clint. gypsys eyes widened and everything seemed to slow down as the large mans fist approached the other mans left shoulder. clint noticed and was opening his mouth to yell something when he was slammed. the force of the blow made clint, gypsy and loki all three ram into the far window their bodies crushed together. gypsy groaned. loki raised his scepter quickly he uttered something and in a poof the large cloaked midgardian was gone.

"um loki..." clint started looking down on the floor of the van. he bent down and picked up a small lump of fur. ""did you just...?"

"its a bunny!" gypsy laughed. and indeed it was a fat, oober fluffy, white bunny that clint held inside his hands. the car swerved.

"ITS A _WHAT?!_" tony demanded righting the car into its former lane as horns blared and tires squealed.

"he was getting on my nerves." loki crossed his arms. daring the driver to argue with him and also get on his nerves.

"its okay hes kinda cute." gypsy pulled the bunny out of clints grasp and set it in her lap. clint scooted down taking the place that had formerly been thors and allowing all three back row passengers more room. gypsy smirked at loki holding up her fist. loki looked at it in confusion.

"sorry loki. its a uh bro fist. you... bump it... with your fist."

"why?"

"because..." gypsy started. "i dont know. its just tradition i guess. like high fives, hand shakes, HUGS." on the last one she shuddered slightly. loki laughed.

"allow me." clint leaned around and bumped gypsys fist.

"loki... can we NOT turn any more people into...uh... creatures?" steve asked turning around in his seat to look at the asgardian. loki smiled toothily.

"i make no promises."

"scepter." steve held out his hand.

"no!" loki clutched it to himself.

"for the wellbeing of all of us give steve the scepter loki." natasha turned around and commanded him.

"fine." loki spat out handing the scepter to the captain, who turned back around with his prize.

"atleast we still have thunny." gypsy whispered elbowing loki and holding up the bunny. "or do you like bhor better? thonny? thabbit?"

"thabbit." loki affirmed. looking at the creature with more than dstaste.

...

"DAMMIT!" tony yelled fifteen LONG minutes later. they werent getting anywhere! the roads were clogged up becase of construction to begin with then to top it off the road they were supposed to head down was entirely blocked. now theyd have to take a detour that could take them a lot of extra time. already they were late but tony had called the theater notifying them that theyd just have to wait cuz tony stark was on his way. they agreed to allow him a private showing if he missed all three of the showings this day. just as tony was about to enter the next lane and start his detour a blast of light erupted and a quake shook the ground. it split the ashphalt like it was merely tearing paper and not rupturing through solid rock.

"what the hell?!" tony leapt out of the car calling his ironman suit to him. just in time too as he was suddenly thrown back as another blast ripped through the air ad landed a few feet away.

"JARVIS! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" images popped up on his screen. as the AI searched for information on the phenomenon.

"it seems this is an otherworldy force at work... also something is here combatting it. two somebodies top be exact." tony didnt notice as the other heros filed rapidly out of the car. all he saw was a man in a red cloak floating in the sky. he was making weird gestures with his hands as he apparently fought his invisible foe. another blast. then... nothing. the wizard apparently noticing the crew lowered himself.

"ah hello stark. sorry for the disturbance. it seems we have this under control now." another person appeared out of the wreckage and came to stand beside the man.

"ASTRID!" a female voice exploded from behind him as gypsy rushed up to the woman. ""its been so long!" she wrapped her in a hug.

"and hi strange." she offered a hesitant smile. "hey were going to the movies! you guys wanna come with us? its caps birthday!" before the couple could reply a third figure swung, or webbed rather, into view. spiderman landed beside gypsy.

"hey gypsy!"

"pe- SPIDERMAN! its so good to see you." she side hugged him clapping him on the back.

"movies eh? what you going to see?"

"stark wont tell us. its a big suprise i guess. you can come too!"

...

clint, loki, peter, gypsy,, thabbit, and astrid squeezed into the back row. very tightly. frank, steve, natasha, and strange shared the middle. bruce kept shotgun and tony wouldnt let anyone else take the wheel.

"_quit jabbing your elbows into me._" clint hissed trying to shove loki farther away all to no avail.

"clint." astrid leaned forward. "were ALL squished."

"shes telling you to suck it up... in a nicer way." natasha told the man.

"thankyou for that unsolicited translation nat." gypsy stated drily.

"your welcome." the woman chirped. they continued to travel in silence for a minute. it was wonderful sound to most of their ears. this peace was broken when a loud rumbling ripped through the air... and then the _smell _that followed...

"WHO FARTED?!" the punisher demanded.

"eeewww..." natasha covered her face with her sleeve her eyes darting around trying to place who di it without having it fill her nostrils.

"damn! gypsy i had no idea..." clint muttered jokingly

"IT! WAS! NOT! ME!" she retorted her eyes flashing in frustration as she too held her nose.

"i was joking!" clint replied.

"who does that?" steve coughed. the smell was intoxicating. everyone rolled down their windows to let the precious much needed air in.

"who cut the damn cheese?!" tony demanded loudly above the noise.

"barton?" gypsy raised her eyebrows.

"i cant take credit for that one." clint admitted.

"well it wasnt me." several voices chimed in on top of each other.

"it had to be SOMEBODY!"

"thankyou, mr obvious. we would have never guessed that unless you told us."

"i think it was that spider!"

"no im certain the dude with the cloak did it! smell him!"

"BURN HIM AT THE STAKE!"

"i think its coming from the back row!"

"brucey did you fart?!"

"BURN HIM AT THE STAKE!"

"somebody better fess up!"

"BURN HIM AT THE STAKE!"

"astrid?"

"loki! I KNOW it was you!"

"BURN HIM AT THE STAKE!"

""mewling quim!"

"DONT YOU HAVE AN AIR FRESHENER IN THIS FREAKIN CAR?!"

"BURN HIM AT THE STAKE!"

"**WILL EVERYONE JUST BE QUIET!**" franks voice rose above the din commanding attention. every voice instantly fell silent.

"what about the cat?" he asked once it was silent in the car.

"bunny." gypsy corrected.

"yeah whatever." frank waved his hand dismissively. "i think it was the creature."

"i...i think hes right." gypsy said in astonishment. the little tiny white ball of fur had let rip that monstrosity?! it seemed impossible... insane... but then she remembered this bunny had formerly been thor. loud, booming, obnoxious. then it didnt seem so far fetched. she handed the bunny to loki.

"hes YOUR brother." she muttered dropping the lump in his lap. loki frowned but couldnt think of a good excuse to pass off his brother to anyone so there it remained.

...

astrid leaned forward.

"hey ba-beeeey..." she hissed into stranges ear. a small smile flicked briefly across his lips but was just as quickly concealed he twisted around in his seat.

"what is the matter astrid?"

"nothing." she smiled innocently at him. "im just bored. figured id bother you." he heaved a sigh of exasperation and twisted back around to face the front. she gently pulled at his hair. her brow furrowed in concentration. she stood up and climbed over the seat gently stepping between natasha and her boyfriend. she plunked herself down into stranges lap.

"baby you know you got something on your face..." she gently touched his mustache. then her eyes lit up. "you want me to take it off for you?!" her fingers curled around his mustache ready to yank he swatted her back.

"astrid please!" she made a pouty face.

"its okay baby." she whispered placing a fingers over his lips as she shushed him. she leaned her head onto his chest.

"pet my hair." se whispered drowsily. "pet my hair!" more commanding when he didnt instantly react.

"i am not gping to... pet your hair." strange stated indiginantly.

"cmon ill show you how. just like this."

...

"ELBOWS!" natasha exploded. "ugh! stark cant i just get strapped onto the roof?!"

"as much as wed all like the extra room-" frank started.

"maam, i do believe everyone should remain in the car. it cant possibly be much longer." strange insisted gently.

"since we took that detour its about forty-five minutes." tony called back.

"mr stark if i may, why didnt you simply facilitate the theater that was mere minues away from your home?" strange questioned his brows pinching together. tony groaned before replying.

"pepper bought the tickets." he snapped out shortly. "she wanted THIS theater. but SHE doesnt have to ride with all of you. no of course not she puts ME in charge of superhero-sitting." he grumbled out. the sorceror leaned back into his seat, mostly satisfied with this answer.

...

"ARE WE THERE YET?" lokis plaintive voice called from the back. everyone groaned.

"when were there. youll know. trust me. you wont have to ask." steve told him.

"yeah," clint chimed in. "ill be screaming hallelujah while doing a little jig."

"i could go for that." gypsy admitted. "im so sick of this car right now."

"its a deal." clint stuck out his hand gypsy clasped it and then leaned back in her seat.

"so whats spiderman been up to these days?" her gaze remained on the ceiling as she spoke.

"not much." peter replied. "stranges mystical force was the most uproar weve had in a while. kinda missing those supervillains a bit." gypsy smirked.

"yeah. understood. hows everything going with mj lately?"

"really well actually. shouldve invited her. we hve plenty of room..." in unison a collective groan rent through the car.

"nooooo! parker! no way in hell are we going to let another person into this car."

...

"WHY do heroes seem to pop up out of the woodwork when you DONT want to see them?" tony grumbled. they were at a standstill in the traffic and before their eyes johhny storm and his sister susan were on the side of the road. their was some event they were waiting in line for. everyone hoped they wouldnt notice the big, suspiciously tight packed van.

"stark!" johnny grinned smugly and towed his sister behind him to the window.

"speak f the devil." tony muttered.

"what were you saying about no way in hell?" peter asked clint. he raised his eyebrows. clint slapped his hand across his face in pure frustration.

"hey whatre you guys up to?" johnnys gaze flicked around the car and winked at all the ladies.

"NOTHING!" clint yelled at him. confusion flicled across the mans gaze.

"barton? thats not suspicious at ALL."

"its caps birthday." tony admitted tiredly suddenly wishing for some of that coffee bruce was reffering to earlier. ""were heading to a... movie."

"sounds lik fun! were small we can squeeze!"

...

clint wordlessly crawled into the trunk. johnny, gypsy,loki, peter, and astrid squeezed into the back row. frank, steve, natasha, strange and susan packed into the middle row.

"hey baby. i dont believe weve met. names johnny." he stuck out his hand to gypsy. she raised one eyebrow glaring up at him through her lashes.

"go to hell."

"only if you come with me." johnny smiled widely. "hey this is fun!" gypsy just rolled her eyes and turned to loki trying to ignore the other man she was pressed up against.

"nice weather were having isnt it?" loki winked. johnny yawned loudly and his arm fell against gypsys shoulder. she lifted it up and dropped it back down on his side.

"keep your f****** self to yourself."

"gypsy! keep it pg!" tony yelled.

"gypsy! aaah i think i remember you..." she flipped him the bird but kept her mouth in a tight grim line. ""whats up babe? hows vigilante stuff going?"

"SHUT YOUR FU...REAKING MOUTH!" her eyes flashed. "or ill shut it for you."

"do i have to seperate you two?" tony called from the front. secretly, he was enjoying this. it was quite comical situating gypsy and johnny next to each other. hed done it on purpose just to drive gypsy insane. his plan was working perfectly. hey you had to do what you could driving in a long annoyoing car ride with all these heroes.

"YES." "NOOOOO..." gypsy and johnny both said one on top of each other. gypsy darted a furious glance at him.

"stark please, cant we rearrange seats?!" johnny wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him. gypsy slammed him in the jaw and heard a satisfying snap as his pie hole was slammed shut.

"HANDS. OFF." she ground out her fist was still tense and she was considering swinging again.

"cmon gypsy you can do better than that." frank muttered.

"HEY! guys no fighting!" steve called at all of them. "apologize gypsy."

"i aint going to apologize to that..." she ground her teeth together biting back the seven letter. johnny smiled innocently.

"that what baby?"

"b******! quit calling me baby!" a smirk flickered across johnnys face. gypsy leapt out of her seat and slid into the trunk.

"scoot over barton." she muttered leaning against the opposite wall and heaving a sigh.

...

"so you come here often?" johnny leaned forward to see the girl at the opposite end of the car. she ignored him. was he off today? he smelled his pits. no hed put deoderant on today. he was georgeous as usual he noted looking in the rearview mirror. so wjy was he getting rebuffed? must be something about these heroes. he bent down and stood up climbing precariously over legs he stopped in front of peter.

"scoot buddy. the ladies in need of some real company." peter was about to protest when johnny sat down squeezing him over. he released a contented sigh.

"aster right?" he smiled. she didnt reply. "so you with wizard dude? you like mgic stuff? i can show you a couple of tri-"

"shut it storm." barton leaned over the seat. "quit messing with my friends." he shoved johnny by the shoulder away from astrid.

then leapt over the seat and between them

"cmon barton she likes all the attention. a pretty little thing like her. you guys arent giving it to her. somebodies gotta man up." peter rolled his eyes and climbed into the trunk with gypsy where he didnt have to be squished up against johnny.

"i was just being friendly."

"too friendly." barton cocked an eyebrow crossing his arms while he stared the man down. johnny sighed deciding to give it up. anyway his jaw was still sore from gypsys fist.

...

"HALLELUJAH!" clint yelled tumbling out of the car and as he promied, doing a little jig. gypsy joined him throwing her hands into the air.

"cmon gypsy get down! get FUNKY!" gypsy smirked twirling around and bumping her hip against clints. she grabbed his hand and did a weird 80s mashup sorta reel/slide. laughing the two friends highfived. astrid jumped in and started dancing too. soon all three were having their own personal disco prty.

"you guys coming or what?" tony asked as he stood in line. they leapt after the rest of the crew.

"were here to watch silver linings playbook." the attendant behind the desk flicked a tired eye at the group.

"no concealed weapons." he gestured at frank, gypsy, and natasha. gypsy laughed.

"dont worry most of these arent concealed."

"no weapons." he stated drily. gypsy huffed out a sigh. natasha dumped her pistols in the bin and headed inside frank and gypsy took a bit longer.

"you guys go ahead and get in before it starts well just be a minute..." gypsy pulled her colts out of her hip holsters and dropped them into the box. she carefully pulled out the pistols on the inside of her trenchcoat, the blades, the giant machine gun strapped across her back...

"so happy birhday cap!" astrid looped her arm througstranges as she jogged to catch up with steve. he nodded.

"thanks astrid."

"you excited?" he smiled.

"yeah. well have fun im sure." he replied nodding. astrid stood on her toes gently smoothing stranges hair into place. he swatted her hand down.

"my dear girl, please refrain." she giggled infectously.

"but ba-beey..." she smiled innocently up at him.

"oh no." clints eyes were wide. "we left thabbit in the car." loki laughed.

"hell survive im sure." loki replied drily sitting down in a row with the container of popcorn hed purchased. clint plopped down next to him and grabbed a handful of his popcorn. lokis head turned slowly but clint didnt notice the death glare the other man was giving him as he happily munched on his popcorn.

...

steve had tears streaming down his face by theend of it. astrid was sobbing into her boyfriends shoulder. tony was at the back by himself muttering that it was a stupid movie and trying to make sure no one heard him blowing his nose. loki was dumbstruck at the midgardian performance before his eyes. even johnny was silenced. bruce had tears in his eyes abnd clint couldnt even manage to crack a single joke about it. natasha was the only one entirely dry eyed. frank and gypsy finally tramped inside just at the end. right when the two lovers are kissing out in the middle of the street.

"its over." gypsy took in her breath slowly. theyd missed ALL of it. and now they were all going to drive back. she sat down next to steve.

""you okay?"

"the dance..." he gasped out wiping his tear stained cheeks. "and then the guy doesnt love nikki he loved HER all along. he didnt tell her! nooo!" gypsy patted his shoulder handing him another kleenex.

"its okay buddy just let it all out." her hand remained comfortingly on his shoulder.

"she thought he still loved nikki but it was her all along. he always knew it was her. they got a five! a five! a terrible awful damned five!" his breathing shuddered as his tears slowed. "a wonderful perfect five." the credits were rolling then and all the heroes were standing up gathering their bearings and preparing to leave. steve stood u and the two headed out of the theater. astrid skipped up beside gypsy and looped her arm through hers.

"we missed the whole movie." gypsy admitted smirking. astrid laughed rolling her eyes. gypsy looped her other arm through franks.

"you okay baby?" he nodded absentmindedly. gypsys brow furrowed in concern.

"was it any good?" she directed her question to the woman.

"it was amazing! very great." astrid nodded. " and i guess steve enjoyed it really well too."

"yeah. HEY STEVE! JOIN US!" she released astrids arm fo a moment to wave him over. he jogged towards them as the group headed to the car. before unlocking the door tony clapped his hands together.

"okay listen up guys," he rubbed his hands together surveying the group. "seating arrangements...um brucey you stay in shotgun for sure. who wants the trunk?" gypsy raised her hand quickly.

"kay gypsy and frank that works. lets have susan, johnny, clint, loki, and peter in the back row. astrid, strange, natasha, steve in the middle. thor stays with loki. okay fair enough." tony finished and slid into the drivers seat. once everyone was piled in tony turned around to astrid.

"see i would turn on the radio but only if we get some solo performances..." he winked. astrid rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. tony flipped on the radio and clarity blared out of the speakers. astrid leaned her head onto stephens shoulder. she started singing softly her voice a whisper above the riing tide of emotions.

"_high dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life..__._" her voice gained momentum as the song wore on. projecting it with her emotions. steve stared out the window thinking of everyone hed loved. despite everyone hed never truly found the perfect partner. thered been many times he thought he had but still here he was waiting. his thoughts strayed farther memories flooding back. it was all so vivid even after all this time. everyone was lost in the song as they drove. gypsy silently inched over to frank she leaned back against his chest letting him wap his arm around her.

"_if our love is tragedy why are you my_ remedy?" she whispered to him. he pulled her closer. she let her breath ut slowly feeling his beating heart below her cheek.

...

when they finally arrived back at the tower boy did they have a story for pepper. but before they could tell her all she insisted on steve blowing out hois candles even though the cake looked like one giant ball of flame. everyone sung happy birthday untill clint remembered the one person they were missing.

"we left thor in the car again!" he laughed. ""we left THABBIT in the car!"


End file.
